Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Jesus refers to this passage in Matthew 19 and then continues by saying in 19:6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let man not separate.
A commitment made with God as the author. A statement by Jesus, God in the form of man, indicating the importance of this commitment.
As I take a look back to Genesis 3, after the Fall of Man, one of the struggles/consequences God promises the woman, along with pain in childbearing, is that her husband shall rule over her. There is a battle for power and control, for headship within a marriage. Our culture has rebelled and women have risen up against this traditional, submissive role by asserting themselves in such a way that they are completely independent from any authority. A part of the Christian community takes the other extreme and revolts against any independence in the role of a woman, leaving the woman completely dependent.
I believe that just as Christ came to fulfill the law (Galatians 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law), so He can become our redeemer in our marriages as well. Christ is our answer for the curse. Just as man's curse is the promised pain, thorns, thistles and sweat in his labor and his only redemption, his only peace is through Christ, so our only peace is through Christ. In Colossians 3:3, we read that our life is hidden with Christ in God. Amen!
In Ephesians, God gives specific roles to the husband and the wife. These roles are not popular in our culture and even in a lot of churches. I think you have to begin with how God views a man and a woman. Galatians 3:28 states: There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. God shows no partiality between man, woman, Jew, or Gentile. He loves us equally, He died for each of us, He has redeemed each of us. Within the context of marriage, our value in Christ does not change, but we are clearly given different roles.
Ephesians 5:23-24 says For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. We can try to dilute this down, but it is clearly stated that within the context of marriage, the husband is likened to the head and the wife is likened to the body. Both are of equal value, but each has a specific role that allows the marriage to function with the main focus for both the husband and wife being Christ's example. Jesus is the ultimate portrait of humility and surrender, the perfect display of love.
John Piper defines headship as the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christlike, servant leadership, protection and provision in the home. He defines submission as the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. He states that the "mutuality of submission and servanthood do not cancel out the reality of leadership and headship. Servanthood does not nullify leadership; it defines it. Jesus did not cease to be the Lion of Judah when he became the lamb like servant of the church."
As a woman, a part of my flesh creeps in when studying these roles. It is something I must continually guard myself against.... I am capable of leading, I do not need my husband to tell me what to do, I can make decisions regarding my marriage all by myself. The curse of Eve. My desires naturally leap toward this way of thinking when I do not relinquish this power over to Christ. It can happen very quickly. In fact, a few months ago, it did. Some may find this story silly, but its implications into the roles of my marriage were very real. For the last year, my daughters have asked for a pet and my husband was not fond of the idea. After months of casual conversation on the topic, I decided one morning that I was going to buy a cat, even though I knew my husband was not in agreement. Let's just say it turned out to be a disastrous five days... everything that could have gone wrong did and after several hundred dollars and two very disappointed little girls, the cat was returned. My lesson? Just because I am capable of making a particular decision, does not make it wise. In not acting in unison with my husband, I undermined his headship. Luckily, my husband was quick to forgive.
This passage by CS Lewis brought a new wave of understanding as he examined what Ephesians says about the roles of husband and wife... This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is- in her own mere nature- least lovable. For the church has no beauty but what the Bride-groom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely. The chrism of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man's marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and suffering of a good wife or the faults of a bad one, on his unwearying care or his inexhaustible forgiveness...
The love displayed by the description of this husband reminds me of the love I have seen my husband give to me. Just as we are not deserving of Christ's love, we as wounded skeletons with deceitful hearts are not deserving of each other's love. But as Christ loves His bride- the church- and gave His life up for her, so we are to love each other.
God gives us roles to fulfill so that He may be glorified through our relationships and circumstances. My husband is not my Christ, but he is the head of our marriage. I am the body. The head and the body must work together- must allow Christ to lead them in how to work, knowing that each part has value, that each piece is only working because of the undeserved grace Jesus has poured out into us.
Lord, I thank you for my marriage. I pray that you would continually strengthen it and every marriage in our spiritual community. May You alone be glorified as we learn to love, forgive, and live dependent not on our own desires, but solely at the feet of Your Cross, where pride has no home. May we learn to pour out Your love as we look at each other. May we learn to be people who are enabled by You to walk in lasting covenant with one another...
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